Empty Cradles

Everyday I wonder why we are the chosen ones to have the issues of infertility.  Although it is very very heartbreaking, depressing, and sooooo costly I am not so sure I would ever want to be a "normal" mother. I highly doubt that MOST regular mother's, that have absolutely no issues becoming pregnant, could ever be so incredibly thankful for the blessing pregnancy is. I got almost all my TTC cards and packages out. (I still have a few not in US to send HINT HINT!! :)) I follow allot of women going threw TTC  issues on instagram. We actually did a scarf exchange this month and ive been wondering if my girl is enjoying her gift. I love mine.!! It is a huge blessing to be able to connect with women all over the world that all at some point feel alone.... like I do (did) in the struggle of becoming, and staying pregnant. I love following you ladies if your reading, and sending love and encouragement to your life!
   As you might know I am on a wait to try to conceive again. May 13th I lost baby G due to an ectopic pregnancy.  It was my first cycle on injections and I was very doubtful in success.  My husband at the time knew I was pregnant the whole 7 weeks.. it was a time in my life I thought I would never see those two pink lines. I had NO HOPE.. it was the best and worst time I have ever been through. Since the loss of our miracle baby we got divorced. I can't help but think baby G knew that was next for momma.
   This subject is very hard to write about. My objective in this post is to give support to ladies that feel like they are alone. You are not alone!! There are so many wonderful people just like you and I. Thanks for reading and enjoy your weekend.

IG NAME: missingbabyG or lauren_gervais

♥♡♥♥♥☆★★★☆☆

Knowledge is Power

     For obvious reasons I am starting at the very beginning of my journey of infertility. Let me start by telling my reader's that I have never had a natural period in my life. My Mother took me to the doctor at age 16 to see what was wrong and we never got a definite answer. They ran all kinds of test on me to never find a cause to this. I was also put on birth control that made me have a period. As a teenager I often thought to myself that I would never have a child. I know that is kind of odd, but it is true. I guess I just had the feeling. As you know that wasn't important to me at that age. I actually thought it was great because I didn't have to deal with it every month.... boy was I WRONG! 
    Well, there came an age where the thought of not having children was horrifying to me. I think it was around the age of 19, or 20. I previously dated one guy with a child. I became very attached to this child. He was only 3 when we started dating, and I treated him like he was my own. I still check on him from time to time but now he is a 13 year old. :) It didn't fully hit me that I wasn't normal until I was in a very serious relationship and babies was all I could think of. For a long period of my life I did not have health insurance; therefore, going to the doctor for further testing was out of the question. 
    I was with Matt for a few years before we got married, and we never used protection. In fact, I remember in the beginning how weird he was every time we didn't use protection. And every time I laughed and told him I promise I wouldn't get pregnant. He never understood how I just knew. Matt also has a son, but is now an EX husband. I love his son so much!! After we got married we started going to an Infertility Specialist. They poked me with needles so much and pumped me full of hormones. Again, I got no answer. After quite a while I finally got the doctor to tell me what was going on. The hormones are there... my pituitary gland doesn't send them at the correct time... actually at all. I then was put on Provera to induce a period. It didn't work. They had to put me on Estrogen and then Provera to get a withdraw from me! I got an HSG (that crap hurts) and my tubes are clear and everything is normal! 
    Then to my surprise Matt and I were stationed in NY. So we made the move from Long Beach California to Buffalo NY! The best thing I have found from moving to this state is my new Clinic. I was retested for allot! All the blood work we had to redo. And everything seemed good. They again put me on Provera and after I bled I was to try Femara. I tried it and there was no growth.. my overies were completely quiet. I then got more blood work and tried Clomid. Again, nothing :( I was in a very dark place and thought there was no hope. Again, more blood work... we went in for another consolation and our doctor said we should try injections and IUI. 

Okay, at this point I am going to stop, and let everything soak in. I am trying to start at the beginning in order to catch my reader's up to speed. Thank you for reading!! I will update my blog as needed in the next few weeks in order to catch up to normal everyday life for me. Good luck in each and everyone of your baby journeys.